My obsessive-compulsive disorder is somewhat of a sticky situation in that I have never been formally diagnosed. I know, I know - the Internet (and self-diagnoses it brings) is no substitute for a doctor. I believe that the only reason I have never been diagnosed is because I have never seen a doctor specifically for OCD. I always mean to bring it up in appointments, but my anxiety and insomnia overshadow that.
First and foremost: I hate when people say "Oh, you're so OCD" or "Yeah, I'm totally OCD." No, you're not. You are not obsessive-compulsive disorder. You merely have obsessive-compulsive tendencies. You can have a disorder - you cannot be a disorder.
Now that that's out of the way - on to my as of yet un-diagnosed OCD. I remember being five years old and organizing my box of 64 Crayola crayons (you know, the one with the sharpener in the back). I hated the way the crayons came organized, so I re-did it. My crayons had to be organized in ROY G. BIV order, and within that order, they had to be arranged from dark to light (though sometimes I'd mix it up and arrange each color light to dark). And those in-betweeners? The "yellow-green" and "green-yellow"? I hated those too, but settled on putting the yellow-green in with the yellows, and the green-yellow in with the greens.
Most kids will scribble on the walls with crayons at some point. I know I did. But instead of a scribble, I drew one line, around the whole living room. Just one, single line.
For as long as I can remember (I still do this to this day), I have to make things even.If my fiance kisses me on the cheek, he needs to kiss the other cheek. If I chew a bite of food on one side, I have to immediately follow it by chewing another bite of food on the other side, and so on and so forth. But my food issues don't stop there - oh no. My food absolutely cannot, I repeat, cannot, touch. If the foodstuffs are meant to touch, such as pot roast and mashed potatoes, or if the foodstuffs are pre-mixed, such as pot pie or salsa, then I'm ok. I will sometimes eat all of one food item in a pot pie before the others (chicken first, peas second, carrots last). But if my food is not meant to be eaten together, it must not touch. You know those divided plates they have for kids? Genius. Pure genius. Not only can my food not touch other food, I have to eat it in sections. Just like the pot pie example - all of the asparagus, followed by all of the rice, followed by all of the meat, and so on. Generally, I eat the yuckiest one first, followed by the one that will be yuckiest when it gets cold.
I need things in order. My wedding is not until October, and I have nearly every aspect planned. The only things missing are the cake and final guest count (which we won't get until we receive our RSVPs). I have lists upon lists upon checklists upon to-do lists. You name it, I've got it covered. But my need for order doesn't stop there. I had all of my DVDs organized alphabetically. Fine, that's fairly normal. But my fiance wanted to get rid of the cases (except for things like seasons of a TV series) and put the DVDs into one of those DVD binder things. I agreed, so long as he agreed that we would replace his old binder thing with a new, white binder. This new, white binder will have the same DVD holder pages, and they will (of course) be alphabetized. There will also be a table of contents. A list of the movies we have, alphabetically arranged, to be placed at the front of the new, white binder. Though I don't have the new, white binder yet, the table of contents is already typed, ready to be printed and inserted into the binder. My bookshelf is the same story. The top shelf holds things like my rarely-used journal, our Entertainment Guide Book, and my Brides magazines (as well as any other magazines we have that we haven't finished reading yet). The second shelf is the non-fiction shelf, arranged alphabetically by title. I don't often have a craving to read an author, hence the reason why they are not arranged alphabetically by author. The third shelf is the fiction shelf, arranged the same way as the non-fiction shelf. The fourth shelf, my favorite, holds our cookbooks (again, alphabetically arranged). The fifth shelf is kind of the neatly-organized catch-all.
My closet is also impeccably organized. On the right side, I have shirts (hanging on Wonder Hangers), with each Wonder Hanger a designated color. Cardigans follow, and dresses come after cardigans. The shelf above holds my bags, organized by "season." The four cubbies on the right hold my jewelry box (it rotates, and there's a mirror on it perfect for applying makeup); my plastic dividers for sewing notions, sunglasses, and travel-size items; my sneakers and "fancier" sandals, and; my flip-flops. On the left side, I have my knitting supplied on the top shelf. The first bar has, from left to right, blazers/suits, pants, skirts, and jackets. On the bar beneath that, I have two 2x3 hanging "cubbies." The left one holds winter gear - boots, hats, gloves, and scarves. The right one holds casual shirts and pants. Each item has a place - all of the sleeveless tops are together, the short-sleeve tops together, the long-sleeve tops together. The next row is the same, except with pants/shorts. Hanging on my door, I have a shoe rack that holds all of my high heels. Everything is organized by color.
It's funny, the way OCD works. I don't have compulsions to wash my hands 100 times a day. My room is often a wreck. Dishes are in the sink and in need of washing, and laundry hampers are overflowing. The bed is often unmade in the morning, but I have to, need to make it at some point before going to sleep. But, as I said, that's often the way OCD works. I will be entering therapy soon for my anxiety, and hope to discuss this with a professional.
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